Funny Riddles
What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?
stamp
What type of dress can never be worn?
address
What has 4 eyes but can't see?
Mississippi
What kind of cup doesn't hold water?
cupcake
What always goes to bed with its shoes on?
horse
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
short
Which side of a cat has the most fur?
outside
I have eight to spare and am covered with hair.
cat
What building has the most stories?
library
What starts with an 'e' but only has a single letter in it?
envelope
What ship has no captain but two mates?
courtship
The shorter I am, the bigger I am. What am I?
temper
What is bought by the yard but is worn by the foot?
carpet
What's the red stuff between elephant's toes?
slow pygmies
There is a kind of fish that can never swim. What is that?
dead fish
What is a Mummy's favorite type of music?
wrap
What can you catch but not throw?
cold
What do you get if you put a radio in the fridge?
cool music
What lies in bed, and stands in bed? First white then red. The plumper it gets the better the old women like it?
strawberry
What has a head yet it never weeps, has a bed but never sleeps, can run but can not walks, and has a bank but not a cent to its name?
river
When young, I am sweet in the sun. When middle-aged, I make you gay. When old, I am valued more than ever.
wine
I cannot hear or even see, But sense light and sounds there may be, Sometimes I end up on a hook, I can be combined with a book. What am I?
worm
With pointed fangs it sits in wait, With piercing force it doles out fate, Over bloodless victims proclaiming its might, Eternally joining in a single bite. What is it?
stapler
What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
post office
What type of house weighs the least?
lighthouse
What kind of room doesn't have physical walls?
chat room
What kind of room has no doors or windows?
mushroom
What goes up and down without moving?
stairs
Which popular cheese is made backwards?
Edam
What fastens two people yet touches only one?
wedding ring
What has a foot but no leg?
ruler
What stinks when living and smells good when dead?
bacon
What's red and bad for your teeth?
brick
What is it that no man wants, but no man wants to lose?
lawsuit
What does an old tan broken down house wear outside?
tan coat
Which tree is the most difficult to get along with?
crab tree
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
dead end
When you do not know what I am, then I am something. But when you know what I am, then I am nothing. What am I?
riddle
What takes hours to pull off, Is most satisfying when it's done, And requires consent from the person you're doing it to?
hypnotism
All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?
elevator
A red house is made out of red bricks. A blue house is made out of blue bricks. What is a green house made out of?
glass
I saw a strange creature, Long, hard, and straight, Thrusting in a round, dark, opening, Preparing to discharge its load of lives, Puffing and squealing noises accompanied it, Then a final screech as it slowed and stopped.
subway train
What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
towel
What has to be broken before you can use it?
egg
What is red and smells like blue paint?
red paint
Which bow can't be tied?
rainbow
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The pope has one but he never uses it, Bill Clinton has one and he uses it all the time! What is it?
surname
There is a man in a 4 story building. He jumps out of the window and is unharmed. He used no padding, and had no harm done. How?
He jumped out of the ground floor
A man is trapped in a room with two doors: one leads to a magnifying glass room with blazing sun, the other has a fire-breathing dragon. How does the man escape?
He waits until night time and then goes through the first door
A pet shop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said 'Parrot repeats everything it hears.' A young man bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?
The parrot was deaf!
What do mathematics teachers like to eat?
Pi
What did one math book say to another?
I have so many problems
I shave several times a day, yet I still have a beard. Who am I?
barber
I give milk and have a horn but I'm not a cow. Who am I?
milk truck
What is long and filled with seamen?
submarine
What do you call two witches who live together?
broommates
How do snails travel?
slowly
What insect does a blacksmith manufacture?
firefly
Where do sailors take their baths?
tubmarine
What does a cat have that no other animal has?
kittens
What is never eaten before lunch?
dinner
What follows a dog wherever it goes?
tail
How can a pants pocket be empty and still have something in it?
hole
Teddy bears are never hungry because they are always what?
stuffed
Where do cows go to dance?
meatball
Which is the oldest tree?
elder
What is the largest living ant on earth?
elephant
What is an acceptable act of violence during saint Patrick's day?
pinch
There is an ancient invention still used in some parts of the world today that allows people to see through walls.
window
How a big, hibernating mammal would show affection.
bear hug
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
bugs bunny
What bone has a sense of humor?
humorous
What kind of dog chases anything red?
bulldog
What kind of dog has no tail?
hot dog
Before Mt. Everest was discovered as the highest mountain in the world, which mountain was the highest?
Mount Everest
What shoes should you wear when your basement is flooded?
pumps
The offspring of a feline and a Xerox machine.
copycat
Mr. Blue lives in the blue house, Mr. Pink lives in the pink house, and Mr. Brown lives in the brown house. Who lives in the white house?
president
What kind of table has no legs?
periodic
If it has a quart capacity, how many pennies can you put into a empty piggy bank?
one
What do you call a witch that lives in the sand?
sandwich
What key is the hardest to turn?
donkey
If someone calls you this, it might be time to consider hot wax.
hairy
What stays the same size no matter how much they weight?
scales
What kind of nail can be grown?
fingernail
How many months have 28 days?
twelve
Out of all the celestial bodies, this one has the funniest name.
uranus
I stink in living but when dead smells good. What am I?
pig
What runs around a house but doesn't move?
fence
I am the place to turn when nature calls. What am I?
bathroom
What do you get if you milk a cow after an earthquake?
milk shake
If two is a company and three is a crowd, what are four and five?
nine
What do you do with a dead chemist?
barium
What kind of fish chases a mouse?
catfish
How far will a blind dog walk into a forest?
halfway
If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea what does it become?
wet
What animal keeps the best time?
watchdog
What part of a fish weighs most?
scales
Without what would everyone lose their head?
neck
What is the first thing a gardener plants in the garden?
foot
Where do fish keep their money?
riverbank
What is a cat on ice?
cool cat
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a pig?
eggs and bacon
What is a bunny's favorite music?
hip-hop
Which word in the dictionary is spelled incorrectly?
incorrectly
What snacks do you serve at a robot party?
assorted nuts
What suits do lawyers wear?
lawsuits
What does a newspaper reporter use to dry himself after his shower?
paper towels
What did zero say to eight?
Nice belt.
I saw a strange creature. Long, hard, and straight, thrusting into a round, dark opening. Preparing to discharge its load of lives. Puffing and squealing noises accompanied it, then a final screech as it slowed and stopped.
train
What age most travelers have?
baggage
What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed?
knight gown
Why do French people like to eat snails?
They don't like eating fast food
This guy crossed a road and everyone wants an explanation.
chicken
I am owned by every man, though my length differs. Their wives uses me after getting married. What am I?
last name
What kind of apple has a short temper?
crabapple
What do you call a dog that sweats so much?
hot dog
Where is the ocean deepest?
bottom
The coziest place for Dracula.
coffin
What animal is the best at baseball?
bat
What do you get when you cross an automobile with a household animal?
carpet
What did the rain cloud wear under his raincoat?
thunderware
What food lives at the beach?
sandwich
What is Saturn's favorite day of the week?
saturnday
According to many students, dogs have an appetite for this paper item.
homework
What goes up and down the stairs without moving?
carpet
I am a nut with a hole. What am I?
donut
What is a foot long and slippery?
slipper
What smells the most in the kitchen?
nose
What is a witch's favorite school subject?
spelling
A device for finding furniture in the dark.
shin
What is an astronaut's favorite snack?
space chips
When your undies attack you.
wedgie
On what kind of ship do students study?
scholarship
What are you certain to find inside your pocket when you reach into it?
hand
Who always enjoys poor health?
doctor
What is big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten mom's day?
school bus
What can you never have for breakfast?
lunch
I increase head turning rate tremendously for girls at beaches. What am I?
bikini
Where do tadpoles change?
croakroom
What do you get when you cross a vampire and teacher?
blood test
What do pandas have that no other animal has?
baby pandas
What's an insect's favourite sport?
cricket
What is long, pink and wet and is rude to pull out in front of people?
tongue
What rains at the north pole?
reindeer
What do elves do after school?
gnomework
What cruel person would sit on a baby?
babysitter
What is the only chain we can eat?
food chain
What does a stone become when in the water?
whetstone
Where do butterflies sleep?
caterpillows
What day, within a week of today, does not end in 'Y'?
tomorrow
Your parents come over for a surprise breakfast while you are sleeping. You get out pancakes, toast, maple syrup and jam. What do you open first?
Your eyes
How many seconds are in a year?
12 — January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc.
What can you not eat for breakfast?
Lunch or dinner
You are a bus driver, 8 people get on, 2 people get off, 2 more people get on and another 1 get off. Finally, 3 more people get on and 2 get off again. How old is the bus driver?
Whatever you are — you're the driver
A plane crashed on the border of US and Canada. Where do they bury the survivors?
Nowhere — the survivors are alive
Why didn't the monster eat the crazy person?
He was allergic to nuts
When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving?
In the dictionary
What room do ghosts avoid?
living room
A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first?
None of them — you can't get a banana from a coconut tree
How does a dog cross a river without getting wet?
The river is frozen
What is the wealthiest nut?
cashew
What fruit never ever wants to be alone?
A pear
What kind of food do mummies like to eat?
wraps
What is the longest fruit?
longan
What fruit loves to go crazy and go wild?
bananas
What is the coolest and most awesome of all the vegetables?
rad-ish
What fruit can you use to sip water?
straw-berry
What fruit is always sad?
blueberry